Well, this is just the beginning and I already feel a sense of relief. To be totally honest, I haven’t known how to feel for so long. You ever had days like that? Someone asks you how you’re “feeling” and you simply say “I’m ok” knowing full well that you have NO CLUE. Life sometimes does that you know, leave you feeling unsure but, I’ve been wanting to share some helpful insights on dealing with… well…. LIFE!!! It’s all a blur sometimes and ya know what, it’s OK!! This time, I’m slowing down. I’m slowing down to take in the beginning of something birthed within me in this new season. Happy you chose to stop by for a peek.

I believe… this is IT!!

Journaling was my thing when I was a teen growing up. It was my outlet when I had just so much to say about all the things going on in life at the time. Developing late (for a female in my grade), my sister breaking both her arms and getting (what seemed like) all the attention, my parents separation then divorce, my plummet from the honor roll (dean’s list) and then my developing too much. Still a mix though – some good entries, some dark entries and most way too confusing to make sense of years later when I picked back up the journal. During my university years, my relief was once again found within as I took pen to paper and began writing in between schooling. I made entries about everything from having the worst roommate on the campus to figuring out if I would ever make it to graduation (something about missing classes because of the snow looked to be my excuse). After the tragic loss of my mother just a year ago, I once again saw the need to journal. This became the documentation of my feelings offloaded in a “safe space”.

I am a talker… always have been (ask my teachers, classmates & former coworkers). The one subject that can catch my by surprise and I tend to freeze up on is the topic of my actual feelings. Listening to a recent Instagram Live, the answer was thrown at me – I’ve been that person to put others needs and wants before mine so I seldom get the chance to process what my actual feelings are. Ah ha!! The few people that really KNOW me know that you have to drag an honest answer when simply asking, “how you doing today?” Not for lack of words, but for my concern that I may burden you with how I’m actually doing. My heart has been heavy for a while and dealing with sudden losses have left me feeling emotionless at times.

Have there been times when you decide to write instead of speaking to someone? I do this A LOT!! Sometimes it helps if you have someone you can just say, “listen, I don’t want your opinion – I just want to share something with you.” You are allowed to be your authentic self with these people – no judgement – no expectations – they are your breath of fresh air… keep them close.

So, I’m gonna end here – with my Chai tea in hand, my first journal entry.